My walk with God insofar
"I will shew thee, O man, what is good, and what the Lord requireth of thee: Verily, to do judgment, and to love mercy, and to walk solicitous with thy God."
Micheas 6:8
That above was the scripture verse that Father Patrick gave me during our talk for spiritual direction. He made me recognise some things, although I still have been a sinner this week, and the week before, etc. I just wish that I could do more, but it seems as if every day I never have enough time to do anything and everything. I am so busy, and it makes me want to curl up into fetus position and cry, because I can not fulfill these things and my religious things at the same time. Not anymore anyways. I can always dedicate my work towards Him, and yet it always seem insignificant, and even more do I reveal my unworthiness towards Him in this day and age.
This is horrible for me, and I just merely do not have time for it all. I hate school, and I would give anything just to live under the presence of God forever, without a sin or blemish upon my head. I always seem to upset some of my friends with something wrong I say, or I get angry easily at my mother. It is a horrible thing, I know, but sometimes I can not just help but be human. It is just merely hard for me to attempt to cope with such things in my life, but my desire would be considered escapism, no? I better get back into church the next time I go for confession and grovel for forgiveness, because it is going to require more than that if I wish to be forgiven of my sins.
And why do I seem to dismiss this blog, amongst my two other blogs? Am I afraid to become closer to God, or am I ashamed of discussing even with myself the spiritual nature in which I have created myself with through the tender Mercies of Yahweh? Every time I know that it is time for me to write in here, I avoid it and move onto the next blog instead, blindly and elated to type up whatever quotidian mood I am in. That, reveals the shame I have for myself, and that in itself makes me ashamed of myself even more. Why can I not merely walk humbly with my God, why can I not love mercy and do good judgement? I think I fear something within myself, but that is yet to become evident in my life at the moment.
I realise though, that I duely need to show my unworthiness to God anyways, because I know that I truly need Him everyday in my life, even if I reject Him or do not want Him.
Well, I needs go. But we will see in the future on how I go about as a Christian.
By the name of Jesus.
Micheas 6:8
That above was the scripture verse that Father Patrick gave me during our talk for spiritual direction. He made me recognise some things, although I still have been a sinner this week, and the week before, etc. I just wish that I could do more, but it seems as if every day I never have enough time to do anything and everything. I am so busy, and it makes me want to curl up into fetus position and cry, because I can not fulfill these things and my religious things at the same time. Not anymore anyways. I can always dedicate my work towards Him, and yet it always seem insignificant, and even more do I reveal my unworthiness towards Him in this day and age.
This is horrible for me, and I just merely do not have time for it all. I hate school, and I would give anything just to live under the presence of God forever, without a sin or blemish upon my head. I always seem to upset some of my friends with something wrong I say, or I get angry easily at my mother. It is a horrible thing, I know, but sometimes I can not just help but be human. It is just merely hard for me to attempt to cope with such things in my life, but my desire would be considered escapism, no? I better get back into church the next time I go for confession and grovel for forgiveness, because it is going to require more than that if I wish to be forgiven of my sins.
And why do I seem to dismiss this blog, amongst my two other blogs? Am I afraid to become closer to God, or am I ashamed of discussing even with myself the spiritual nature in which I have created myself with through the tender Mercies of Yahweh? Every time I know that it is time for me to write in here, I avoid it and move onto the next blog instead, blindly and elated to type up whatever quotidian mood I am in. That, reveals the shame I have for myself, and that in itself makes me ashamed of myself even more. Why can I not merely walk humbly with my God, why can I not love mercy and do good judgement? I think I fear something within myself, but that is yet to become evident in my life at the moment.
I realise though, that I duely need to show my unworthiness to God anyways, because I know that I truly need Him everyday in my life, even if I reject Him or do not want Him.
Well, I needs go. But we will see in the future on how I go about as a Christian.
By the name of Jesus.
posted by Kei @ 4:04 AM
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