Lent

Random Eucharist video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1523420011651492780&q=catholic


Yahweh-Yireh,

I'm sorry, my Lord, that I haven't had time to spend towards You. It's now Lent, and I am trying really hard to worship and pray to You as You have desired of me. You are my only source of peace and perfection, and sometimes I wonder why You chose me to be by Your side, despite my own utter failings and falterings. I am no greater than what You have made me, and that is a small and sinful human being. I have forgotten how beautiful You are to me, and that You call my name beside Your chamber...

Why am I such a small and petty child, naive and misunderstanding of everything? I am picked on because of my size, I have no athletic talents whatsoever, and my social life is almost non-existent. As much as I wish to cry for those things, my life falters and trembles before me, because I am aware that some day, I will die and all things will disappear before me in the flesh. Yet You are forever and transcendent of all things. Every time I think of Jesus, I think of love and compassion in wholeness and totality, and yet I am merely and simply disgusted with my uncharitableness in the secular world. The fact that I get angry at those who are uncharitable towards me, my impatience, my arguing with my family members, my love of food, and every little thing pierces Your Sacred and Trusting Heart with the bloody spear that was pierced in Jesus' side when He died for us on the Cross. When I see people with lukewarm souls, Lord Jesus, my own heart is pierced with You, and how You are becoming forgotten in Your One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. Yet I know well that You will protect the Church and guide her with You and the Holy Spirit, because You have promised us that the gates of Hell shall never prevail.

I cannot thank You enough, dear Lord. If only I could be a better person in daily life. If only I could be able to become a saint like all the others that have passed on before me, only to devote my own life to serve only You. Because I see no other way in serving my greatest Hero and Lover in my life, except through You. It's silly and distracting that I follow my own foolish desires and dreams, when it is only through You in which I can have my salvation and glory. How much, I could write about you, my Yahweh!

Sometimes, I do admit that I look for other ways in which to express myself, sometimes in ways that do not praise You, such as through channelling anger or sadness. But I know that I can never be sad every time I think about Your Sacrifice for me. It's impossible to think without, and through that, I know that we can all truly win Eternal Life. No matter what kind of Christian, as long as they truly believe in Your Sacrifice as the Lamb of God, and believe in God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, they all have the right (a gift from You) and priviledge to be called the children of God. I know that You can do it through all of Your servants, and I too hope to become a vessel for You and Your Sanctifying Grace someday.

Well, I should go and do my homework. But we will meet again someday, when my soul is liberated and my fleshly body is ready to let go from life. I hope for being a better person than I am now, even though it is so hard. It is as if my life should be perfect... Thank You, Yahweh.